With Love

photopin grandmother

Dear Rose,

I feel like there should be something profound I can say that makes this whole thing easier, but if there is, I don’t know what it is. All I do know is that the world is full of people who love you, and I hope you know I am one of them.

I know that you are brilliant, and strong, and that you will be okay. I know that, but I also know that sometime’s it will be hard, but that it is okay to hurt. Losing my step-father changed my family in ways I didn’t expect, and in ways I knew it would, but the one thing that did surprise me is that it didn’t mean that he was gone, not completely anyway. He was still there in the notes he had written, and the books that he had chosen, and the memories he had made. Stupid things that didn’t mean anything at the time, they were the things I remembered afterwards, and they made me smile.

Sometimes when I think about when we were younger I remember the number of times you told the story about asking your mum about the dinosaurs, or when she would drop us at school sometimes, or when she and my mum were telling us off for getting muddy before school and other silly little things.

I suppose what I am getting at is that everyone who met your mum will carry a little part of her with them, and that is a good and happy thing.

The only thing I can’t not say, is that it’s important not to get too caught up in looking after everyone else, it’s good to feel, and it’s good to feel whatever you need to. It’s okay not to be sad, and it’s okay to laugh, and to be happy and it’s okay to cry and be angry. I know all of this, but I know I felt pretty sucky for not being as sad as I felt I should be, I don’t want you to.

I know everyone will have said this, and I have said this a bunch of times myself, but if you need anything, even if it is something stupid like cake, just let me know.

With love,

Anna Banana

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