It’s all downhill from here

Fragile, handle with care

Monday 28th July 

A couple of weeks ago, I didn’t go to church.

There are some very wonderful people at church and most have really good intentions but they’re not always wise. A couple of weeks ago I told someone that we’d received a wheelchair on loan from the NHS, which had been a massive blessing as it meant that we could take my mum out on trips to town and to the park a lot easier. I was glad this week to have positive news to share, and so shared the news with a beaming smile on my face. He replied “Yes, well I s’pose it’s all downhill from here.” The smile dropped from my face; as I tried to walk away, he followed trying to press in to how I was really feeling, unable to accept that this week, I was genuinely happy.

The following week, same guy, similar situation. He is a very kind man, and will listen avidly to me. He feels that it is his duty to support me with any issues or difficulties I may be facing. However, I have a very close knit network of support that I can draw upon and discuss my struggles and fears with, and have no problem in calling friends when I need support. I do not have a close enough relationship with him to feel comfortable discussing my struggles and fears in detail.

Last week my mum became quite unwell, and I spent a lot of time sitting with her. At the last minute, a friend popped in, and offered to stay with my mum for an hour so that I could go to church. I totally trusted my friend to care for my mum but the thought of going to church and face well-meaning but invasive questions worried me (“You must feel a great deal of responsibility, you being the only Christian in your family and your mum about to die, how does that feel?”). I wouldn’t mind the questions but when I give the answer that I’m comfortable giving, people dig deeper. I walk away but they follow with relentless questions, and it makes me want to cry.

photo credit: Fatty Tuna via photopin cc

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2 thoughts on “It’s all downhill from here

  1. I totally hear you about well-meaning people who say the most awful things, but that’s not their heart, I’m sure you know that! We have no strength apart from Christ, which I’m sure you also know, but I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know you aren’t alone ❤

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